Thursday, December 9, 2010

Emotional Disaster Lately...

That's me! As many of you know Dear Hubby (DH) and I have been TTGP (trying to get pregnant) for 7 months now. I am constantly on numerous websites that are dedicated to getting pregnant, hence the abbreviations thanks to my obsession with

This may be a little TMI for some of you, but it's my blog and after you've been to the gyno every month for 7 months, well then you really have nothing to hide (literally).

I really thought that TTC (trying to conceive - ha! okay, enough with abbreviations) was super simple. Sure, I've heard of people that really tried for years and years, but I didn't personally know anyone that had ever had 'problems.' I have never, ever in my wildest imaginations thought that I would still be dumbfounded as to why it hasn't happened for us. Yes, I know you can really only get pregnant during a certain window of time during the month, but when you have that down you're good right?

Fast forward six months, a dozen doctor's appointments, one surgery, three ultrasounds, multiple band aids from being stuck for blood work later and here we are in our seventh cycle. Frustrated, Emotional Wreck, Annoyed. That's me. Hubby is so understanding and has been dealing with my disastrous self wonderfully.

Last week was the one of the most difficult weeks I've had. I was a bit overwhelmed from Thanksgiving, it had snowed 2 feet on Sunday so the roads were brutal Monday. I busted my rear in a parking lot two times, balled my eyes out during a lunch for no reason at all and was once again disappointed when we found out we weren't pregnant, even though I knew deep down that I wasn't... again!

My doctor started me on Provera (which starts your monthly guest) and Clomid (induce ovulation -egg production- in women that do not produce ova [egg]). The longer we've been trying the more I have heard of girls, friends, that had to take Clomid to get pregnant. It's not that simple though. You don't just take pill for 5 days and magically a baby is growing inside of you. Oh! I wish! The side effects are hot flashes (like whoa! thank goodness it's winter in Utah), strong/insane/uncontrollable emotions and mood swings, and vivid dreams. Not exactly a walk in the park. Today I am on the 4th day of Clomid which means I only have one more day to take it. Next week I have a mid cycle ultrasound to see how things are progressing. They will be looking to see if I have any mature follicles that will release an egg (they have to be of a certain size, I think 18-22, to be released otherwise they die) and to see if my uterine lining is thick enough that if I do become pregnant it will support the baby. If not, then they will prescribe Progesterone to, hopefully, help thicken it.

There is so much that I have learned within the last couple of months. I have been checking my Basal Body Temperature every morning before I get out of bed. A BBT thermometer is used to help determine the exact day you will ovulate. The day before, during your LH surge, your BB temperature will drop and then be really high the next day after you have ovulated and enter the luteal phase. Everything is so interesting and I love reading everything that will help me know when the "right time" is. I just wish I wanted to learn this for other reasons and not the ONE reason that I am.

As Justin and I continue to 'try', please say a little prayer for us. After talking to a friend that is going through similar circumstances, she told me that she no longer is asking God to give her a baby, but to help her understand and deal with the disappointment that we face at the end of the month. So, that it what I ask God now. If this cycle doesn't work we have two more months of Clomid treatment before we have to see a reproductive endocrinologist. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! I'll continue to keep you posted on our TTGP! ;)

Much Love!


1 comment:

  1. Praying for you!! & Here for you! As you know! :) Much love from SC!!